St. Anger -The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 6)

St Anger, Batik 62 cm x 62 cm

St Anger,
62 cm x 62 cm

The gloves were off. In my corner I had my doctor working from his experience with what had showed some measure of success for other of his patients with the condition- although he did warn me that what worked for one might not work for another.

So began more medication, in different combinations. Still each morning I woke, feeling utterly and physically beaten before I even had a chance to rise.

My business folded. I could not work the slate. I was offered a place at Galway to gain a Fine Arts Degree. I deferred for a year (despite it beginning part time), the physical demands would have been impossible. I hoped that within the year I would have a handle on the pain. I was trying so many different approaches to get well. I didn’t. I declined my place the following year.

I had reached my lowest ebb ever. Depression engulfed me. In an effort to rid myself of the taunting thoughts that my sickness bombarded me with I sold my guitar and  my pool cue. They were constant reminders of good times that I had lost all hope of every seeing again.

My life with other people had become a nightmare. Socialising was horrific , the background noise, even general group conversations split the head of me. Sitting, standing – the things I’d previously taken for granted, became a torture. As you can imagine it did little for my social graces. I was angry and abrupt.

People’s opinion ceased to be important.I didn’t want to be near anybody. My partner was very understanding but I still saw the hurt look in her eyes as I flinched every time she reached out to hold me.She said it was like living in a relationship that had three in it,

“You, me and the fibromyalgia.

And the fibromyalgia demands everything.”

I swore then that I wouldn’t let it win.

   To be continued….

About mcsirishart

Hi, Thanks for looking me up.Hope you like my work. I am an amateur artist, aspiring to professional. Please feel welcome to browse at any of the links below.
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2 Responses to St. Anger -The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 6)

  1. This post really got to me. I’m aware of how much pressure this illness can put on a relationship, because my boyfriend’s the same. We’ve been on the brink of breaking up so many times since my diagnosis.

    • mcsirishart says:

      I identify completely with your situation. In the long run I believe that when I work at it with my partner it actually brings us closer together. She’s an absolute saint and I’d be lost without her 🙂

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