St. Anger – The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 10 – the conclusion)

St Anger, Batik 62 cm x 62 cm

St Anger,
62 cm x 62 cm

Today is the last part of my journey with fibromyalgia, thank you for bearing with me.

I know that some of what I have written about the state of the Medical Profession here in Ireland is controversial but what I have written is true. I do understand the limitations of G.P.’s, the pressures of huge workloads put onto Specialists and the economic disaster in Ireland. Truly I empathize with the whole, sad situation and pray for all of them.

Yesterday I wrote about the waiting  3 and a half years to see a Rhuematologist with still no result. I went to the Citizen’s Information on a different matter, whilst there I picked up a leaflet containing information regarding Medical Services. It stated that if an illness has deteriorated through negligence then there may be entitlement to treatment and compensation.

Three and a half years ago I was not on morphine, housebound and hobbling around with a stick, neither was I heading for a wheelchair. So I have decided to take my case up with the Ombudsman (I will keep you posted!)

At this point I need to thank the public health nurses who are the only ones who have shown me compassion and of course my partner – for everything.

So back to my reason for telling my story. I was asked  how do I cope and manage my chronic pain?

The truth is, for me a healthy, spiritual attitude and practice,I try and pray for others who are suffering and  of course my Art, helps me cope.

Mostly I think “What is the alternative?”

I have to accept my limitations, break each day into segments, do things slowly, and rest. I have to accept the days, perhaps weeks when I am totally helpless.

All this said, some days I am suicidal, depressed, angry, frustrated, difficult to be around and generally a pain in the backside. I’m human.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time read, even like, comment on and share my blog. I hope it helps someone, it has helped me.

Go raibh maith agat

About mcsirishart

Hi, Thanks for looking me up.Hope you like my work. I am an amateur artist, aspiring to professional. Please feel welcome to browse at any of the links below.
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9 Responses to St. Anger – The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 10 – the conclusion)

  1. bdh63 says:

    Wow, my heart goes out to you. I hope things look up soon.

    • mcsirishart says:

      Thank you for following and your support. It has been a discovery for me just how isolating chronic pain can be. It’s good to be able to connect with others and gain strength from their stories.

      • bdh63 says:

        I agree and sympathize. I’ve been suffering from chronic pain after rupturing a disc and only recently found some relief from foam rollers and massage. I hope something works for you soon! Warmly, Brenda

  2. tlohuis says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. I, too, suffer from fibromyalgia amongst several other chronic illnesses and pain. I understand what you’re saying and I’ve felt suicidal, depressed and all those other things you mentioned, as well. We’re only human and can only take so much. It’s a difficult journey. I’ve become very spiritual through all of this. I meditate a lot. Just know you are not alone in dealing with this disease that is very difficult to treat and to get some pain relief from. I sure hope you’re finding some pain relief of some sort by now. If you are would you mind sharing what works for you? I just cannot get any relief at all. I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Know that I walk this journey with you. Take care.
    Tammy aka Wild Thang:)

    • mcsirishart says:

      Hi, I was fortunate for it to be discovered that a nerve had never healed from a tooth extraction I had a few years ago. This coincided with the deterioration of my health that stopped my slate carving.
      Since this was treated the complete agony has eased. But the fibromyalgia is still there, ready toflare as it has this week with the change in temperature. I have a long way to go in physical recovery due to the side effects of medication and the lack of mobility of long term physical pain.
      Recently I have noticed that the fatigue is more likely to trigger depression so it is the allowing myself to take things easy without giving myself a hard time that I am working on.
      I agree spirituality is the key. To be able to connect with a sense of strength and hope.
      I am also going back to an aromatherapist now I am able to get out, who treats me with the Emmet /Bowen technique as it helped with the pain, my posture and general sense of well being so much.
      Thank you for sharing, support from others who face the same daily challenges helps so much. Hope you are having a good day yourself.

      • tlohuis says:

        I’m sure glad you are at least getting relief from the nerve damage done from the tooth extraction, that is so unfortunate that something like that happened. Glad that part is resolved. Love the slate carving and glad you are back at it. It’s very beautiful, as is all of your work.
        Yeah, I know what you mean about the fibromyalgia and the change in temperature. I’m having a hell of a time with mine, as I have been for the past several months. Sometimes it takes a grip on me and just won’t let go. Oh well, such is life. It’s mine to deal with and I’m trying really hard on better coping with the pain of this awful disease along with all the other unpleasant diseases that have taken up residency in my body.
        I agree that the fatigue does tend to trigger depression, along with the pain, for me. Depression is another “monster” in itself that has affected so many of us that have these on-going challenges from these invisible chronic illnesses. these diseases know no age. I was diagnosed in my very early twenties, after suffering for years.
        My therapists, I have 2, and I have been working on setting very small daily goals and sometimes I’m just unable to accomplish them even though they are so very small. I have to listen to my body, that’s just the bottom line. If I fail to listen to my body, I end up in even more distress. All we want to do is to be able to get up, like everyone else, and be able to do some things, no matter how small. It feels really “good” to be able to accomplish my 6 very small goals and I’m kind of hard on myself when I’m unable to do so. I have to quit that, of which I am working very hard on. Like today, I will only be accomplishing what I can do from my bed. Friday night I had a weird thing happen, as it’s happened before, but when it stopped, it was over. But, what happened is I was just sitting here and all of a sudden on my right side, just below my ribs, it felt like something was squeezing the hell out of my liver or whatever else is there. I dropped everything and was instantly curled up in a ball in agony. It only lasted about 5 minutes, but that’s a long time when in this kind of pain. But, once it stopped this time, I’ve been having this abdominal pain all over my entire abdomen that is like a milder, similar type pain. It’s now 2 days later and it’s getting no better. I’m very concerned about it and what is going on. I almost went to the ER last night, but decided against it.
        I never knew that aromatherapy would be helpful for pain. I’ve never heard of this treatment, either, but I think I will google it and see what it’s all about. Problem is, I am on disability and I’m sure it doesn’t cover any such therapy. It’s probably expensive. I’m currently spending a lot of money on extensive out patient therapy, by going 3 times a week, but it is helping and it’s just something I have to continue to do because I was in a very, very bad place for a long, long time. Thoughts of suicide and just the worst thoughts one can even imagine. That’s what this excrutiating pain will do to a person. I’ve come a long way and only pray I can stay on this better path.
        I’ve written down that aromatherapy technique that you are doing and I will check into it. I’m glad you are finding it very helpful.
        Thank you for all of your support and sharing , as you said it is very helpful to have others that truly understand, because they are going through it too. I’m glad to have found you and just looking at your artwork, along with chatting of course, has been very therapeutic for me. Your artwork is very uplifting and it amazes me that in your condition you are able to produce such amazingly beautiful artwork of all kinds. I didn’t get the artist gene. LOL My hubby and my kids did, though. As did my mother and my sister, but me, uh no………………………… I’ll just have to look at yours. I wish you sold some of your pieces because I would sure buy something, as I’m sure a lot of others would as well. Have a great rest of the day. I have no idea where you’re located. I’m in the U.S. I look forward to chatting with you some more. I’m going to go to the “Reader” and make sure I’ve got you set up to where I get an email every time you post something, so I don’t miss anything. keep up the great work and I wish you the very, very best on your journey. I’m always here if you ever need to chat, vent or whatever.

      • mcsirishart says:

        God love you Tammy, sorry I have been away from the blog for a day or two, I hope that you are more comfortable today. I write a small list of small goals too, everything takes planning and on some days they cannot be achieved but I need to let that go. The important thing is that I am willing to try but that it’s alright to accept that the days when it is not possible. To be honest I am unwaged too since I had to fold my business, luckily I was given 6 sessions of the therapy which has helped me in the past. I tend to be cagey about many pain solutions ( pharmaceutical or alternative) as in my experience they don’t help or can make matters worse. I try and keep things simple, inexpensive and stick with what works.
        Essential Oils I find are really good. I use a burner with a night light candle every day. The scents can be uplifting , relaxing and smell nice which is always a good thing when trapped indoors for any period of time! I use them neat (lavender) Peppermint is quite strong but great in a foot bath and also for easing my headaches. Oils can be expensive but I don’t go mad with them. A bottle will do me a good week or so.
        I am not sure about the “artistic gene” I believe anyone can do what I do, it’s down to practice and allowing confidence to grow, my step daughter never believed she could paint and yet has produced some amazing work on the afternoons she, her mother and myself got out the brushes.And it was great fun.
        Thanks for the positive comments about my work. I do sell pieces, hopefully now I am set up to do the landscapes I can get a good collection together, as it is I have a couple prints up on American Art, there will be more I am just waiting on the right light and level of fitness to get some good pictures taken of my pieces.
        The weather is not at it’s brightest here in Ireland at the moment 🙂
        Thanks again for sharing and you support and I wish you well Tammy

  3. tlohuis says:

    Not too comfortable today, but I’ll survive. It could be much worse. I did get a few things on my list of goals done and I’m ok with that. Better than nothing, right?
    I am sure about that artistic gene, trust me. I did not get it. Art just isn’t my thing, I wish it was, but if you can’t do it, you can’t do it. My therapist gives me these pictures to color with colored pencils, sharpies or whatever. It gives me something to do to distract myself from the pain. I did get one finished today. LOL that’s about the extent of my artwork. Isn’t that funny? It’s something I can do from my bed where I live most of my life, other than going to all of my appointments and working on my small goals. Hopefully, one day I’ll be able to spend more time out of bed. At American Art, is that where people purchase your work? I just need to know what name they are under so I know it’s your work. Don’t know if I can afford anything right now, but hopefully someday soon. I would still like to look, you never know and I just enjoy looking at your artwork. I hope you continue to feel well enough to do what you do. I have no clue of the time difference between Ireland and the U.S. so have a great day or night, whatever it is over there.

    • mcsirishart says:

      Hi Tammy, it’s good to hear how you are getting on. Am glad you enjoy the art that you do. It’s great that it can take your mind away from problems. I have to admit there are days where I thank God for the playstation! The one thing about fm is that it is never the same, I never know from day to day the level that it is going to come at me. It sounds like you have the important advice and support network around you that is needed to deal with it. Hope today is a good one 🙂

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