St. Anger – The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 4)

St Anger, Batik 62 cm x 62 cm

St Anger,
62 cm x 62 cm

My life revolved around tablets. Tablets to deal with pain, tablets to deal with inflammation and tablets to deal with affects of tablets. I was taking 27 tablets a day. It was insane.

Remembering which to take, when, how often and sometimes if I had in fact taken the required dose already involved a lot of time opening packets and jars and spreading them out before me whilst I tried to keep count.

My mind was in a fog and still my body was caught in a vice of pain. Eventually the Dr. prescribed Cortisone, a steroid that seemed to cut the agony, for a while it worked. I didn’t realise what a dark alley that would become.

Good news arrived that after 2 and a half years of waiting, my appointment with the pain specialist had come through. The bad news however that it had come at a time when the country was in the depths of the worst flooding on record.

We kept a firm eye on the news channel, the internet and asked around monitoring the chances of being able to keep the appointment. Heaven only knew when we might get seen again. As the day arrived we were told that although still water covered the road was passable to the town. It wasn’t, or rather the road we had taken wasn’t as we waded through water after having to abandon the car.

Still we made it to the hospital on time, with plenty of time it turned out. We sat in the waiting room  glowering at each other, soaked through to the bone watching the hands on the clock move around for an hour and a half after the appointed time. I could barely think with the agony.

After finally being shown into the consulting room, I could tell the specialist was in a giddy mood. Not that I could see him, but I could hear him. He was swanning up and down the corridor, flirting with nurses and actually giggling whilst making them coffee. Discomforting to witness in any full grown man let alone a trained professional that had taken years to meet.

He swept in grabbed my scan results, I don’t even think he took the time to sit down and with these very words said “Ah, you should think yourself lucky, you do not have cancer of the spine so it won’t kill you but the life time of pain might.” and then he laughed!

I was stunned.

He garbled that he would send out an appointment for a botox injection and he would see me then. And then he was gone, 10 years of agony dismissed in 30 seconds.

My partner had to stop me going after him. Chronic pain may had left me in bits but at that moment I certainly felt fit to kill.

To be Continued…

About mcsirishart

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12 Responses to St. Anger – The Artist’s Pain Chronicles (part 4)

  1. Sorry to hear. I hope part two means you found some relief.

  2. bdh63 says:

    Sometimes I think that insensitivity is what lets them do that job of seeing so much pain. Empathy is a double edged sword that can injure the person sympathizing, and they eventually burn out. I am sad he did not do more able to help you. It’s hard to imagine botox working for you, but I’ll stop by and read the next installment.

    • mcsirishart says:

      I believe you are right about the idea of professionals burning out,,just 2 weeks ago my G.P said he was “getting too old for this” because I asked questions & I came out afterwards thinking I had done something wrong.Thank You .

      • bdh63 says:

        You haven’t done anything wrong. The doctors hate to not have the answers. But they really don’t, pretty often. They end up making us feel guilty for them not knowing… that seems backwards to me. I try to have compassion for them. They are as limited in their way as any of the rest of us, but they are trying to help.

      • mcsirishart says:

        You have a really healthy attitude towards life and the challenges we face. In my daily living I practice compassion towards everyone but its not always easy! 🙂

      • bdh63 says:

        Well, no, it’s not. But holding in anger isn’t good for you either. Trying to release anger and choose compassion in a lifelong struggle. A daily attempt. I fail in the short term, but try to achieve it in the long-term.You need to struggle toward answers rather than accept pain. That’s life. I hope you will keep going in that struggle, you deserve to have answers! You deserve to find a treatment that helps you live beautifully.

      • mcsirishart says:

        Thank you, that’s lovely – and so do you!

      • bdh63 says:

        Thanks! I’m on a journey there, too. 🙂

  3. That’s unbelievable! I count myself lucky that none of the doctors I’ve seen have been that insensitive (although that doesn’t mean that they’ve all been nice!)

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